


Kiss me til I feel alive

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: 'I'm so glad you're alive' kiss, M/M, Stucky - Freeform, WWII, and bucky comes back crying so something had to have happened, and that was a long walk back, filling in the missing scenes because somewhere after steve jumps and the trek back are huge gaps, kisses + angst, stop me i'm rambling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 01:59:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4810550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers parachutes into enemy territory to save the one person he cares about more than anyone and with a rescue comes a kiss.</p><p>A visual for you https://41.media.tumblr.com/8e452b0d1adbd90170dce7f54e1c7ece/tumblr_nurkr8l1V31ucw4g2o3_1280.jpg</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss me til I feel alive

Bucky's heart is pounding hard enough to make his ribs ache and the fire and explosions are licking the steel beam under his feet. He slips once but balances himself, leaps just in time for the beam to collapse, trapping Steve on the other side.

For a moment he allows himself to give into fear because it truly does look hopeless but he cannot lose Steve. Not when hes only just got him back.

"There's gotta be a rope or something!," he yells over the roar of the explosions that rock against the railing he's gripping.

He does not have to be able to see Steve clearly to know that he's terrified and is about to do something stupid.

"Go on! Get out of here!," Steve shrieks as he waves his hand dismissively.

A tidal wave of white hot rage boils inside of Bucky - _I'll do anything for you but I refuse to let you die for me. We're in this together._

"NO! NOT WITHOUT YOU!," Bucky's voice is raw and hoarse and this is the most he has felt alive since Hydra first captured him and his men.

On the other side Steve shakes his head, rears back and takes a flying leap. Bucky can't breathe - _Please don't fall_

Steve slams into the railing and Bucky hauls him over. He's not as light as he used to be but that doesn't mean a damn thing. He's still Steve Rogers from Brooklyn, the same guy that Bucky fell in love with ages ago - he will always be worth saving.

Somewhere in between running for their lives inside of a collapsing building and the exit, Steve stares back at Bucky with frightened but loving baby blue eyes and Bucky knows what he has to do. There's only one way of proving that none of this is a horrible nightmare; that Steve is actually there.

"Steve!," he yells and his voice carries over the crashing and booming sounds of the building creaking under its own weight.

Steve whips his head around Bucky seizes the opportunity. He leans forward and presses his lips to Steve's; they're warm and soft under his own which are chapped from dehydration. Still his stomach fills with butterflies and he kisses once, twice, three times and Steve kisses back and he nearly loses his mind. It's nothing too intense but enough to make him want more. He breaks the kiss because of the obvious - he's not exactly ready to die yet - and Steve gapes back at him with red lips shiny and all Bucky can focus on are them. 

_He's actually here._

Before he can overthink it Steve grabs him by the shirt sleeve; toward the exit and he pulls back, urges Steve to go forward first. Wordlessly, he obeys.

The air outside is crisp and bitter cold. It seeps through Bucky's thin sweater with its massive holes and dirt caked onto it but he can't bring himself to regret the sting of Winter against his skin. He thought he'd never live to see another one.

He bends at the waist and pants, stumbles and nearly falls but Steve is there with a strong arm (that doesn't feel like it should be that way at all) to hold him up. It's nice. It's better than nice. If he hadn't barely survived certain death he would've made a crack about himself being the damsel in distress and Steve being the mighty white knight.

The other men have scattered and left hills of Hydra soldiers in their wake - each one of them dead. Steve had encouraged them to keep moving forward and he'd catch up with them soon enough. They were good trustworthy men and they listened well.

From the corner of his eye Bucky can see Steve's mouth hanging open, his hand coming up to brush against his lips and Bucky is wondering if he just made the biggest mistake of his life or the best one.

"Are you okay?," Steve shakes himself out of his own head and turns to Bucky who is now breathing calmer but his legs are weak and shaky.

"I'm feelin' pretty good for a dead guy," Bucky jokes - anything to make Steve smile.

It works.

The mood turns dark as Steve repeats the phrase he'd said earlier but his voice is meek without the sounds of war - "I thought you were dead."

Bucky shrugs as if it's no big deal but it _is._

He skims his eyes over Steve's new body and doesn't even try to hide it. Steve stands there awkwardly; same as he'd did a million times before when his date had no interest in him.

He meant it when he'd asked if this was permanent as he'd been holding onto a much smaller vision of Steve & it had kept him afloat even as Hydra tinkered with his head and repeatedly asked him who Steve Rogers was, who  _he_ was. He'd recited the words like broken poetry: 

"Steve Rogers is my best friend. Steven Grant Rogers. Sgt James Buchanan Barnes 32557038."

And then Steve came barreling in as big as life and royally messed with his head. He was sure Hydra had really pulled all the stops this time and he hadn't bought it at first; the relieved smile on his face had faded when reality set in; Steve was not safe at home. He was not tiny and madly in love with Bucky but trying to hide it even though he was transparent. Steve had cupped his face for half a second before Red Skull came along and he'd stared back with wide eyes full of confusion and terror because this was huge even for Hydra.

But then it hit him. Hydra would not rescue him, would not call him Bucky with tears in their eyes, would not wrap strong arms around his waist and all but carry him out of there and as far away from the table as possible.

This much taller and muscular man was _his_ Steve. Because he needed to believe it 100% he'd kissed Steve. If this man kissed back then it _had_ to be him because for as long as he could remember (and it went pretty far back) Steve had looked at him with stars in his eyes and he'd basked in them. He'd went off to war to fight for _Steve_ and he'd did something stupid as soon as he could.

"I'm not dead Steve. Promise."

Steve knew they should be catching up with the others and that perhaps they needed help but it had been well over a year since he'd saw Bucky's face. He was tinier somehow - likely due to Hydra and it felt alien to be towering over him but he couldn't tear his eyes away. And then there was the fact that his best friend had willingly kissed him and he'd kissed back. It had felt amazing - the rush of taking out Hydra and the thrill of Bucky's mouth against his own.

Bucky had an expression in his eyes that Steve could easily identify; grief. He was grieving the loss of his best friend and Steve felt like shaking him until he realized _I'm still the same person._

"I told you to be careful. You didn't listen," Steve scolds.

"Says the person who leaped over an explosion," Bucky counters and it's almost like nothing has changed when _everything_ has.

Steve's tone is serious and his eyes are watery when he says "I wasn't gonna leave you, Buck."

_I could never._

Bucky doesn't know how to respond to that so he purses his lips and turns away - focuses on a chainlink fence instead.

Steve stares down at his feet as he has always done when he's nervous or sad. Tonight he is both.

"Come on, buddy. We're alive and that's gotta count for something right?"

Bucky wants to touch Steve - needs it so much that his whole body aches something awful and it's not only because of the torture Hydra put him through but he holds back. Everything is different - what if Steve doesn't want his hugs and an arm around his neck? What if Steve doesn't need him at  _all?_

"I'm just happy you're okay," Steve mumbles.

_There he is. There's the Steve I remember._

They're both walking around the elephant in the room as if the kiss never happened; as if they didn't both enjoy it. 

"We should get going," Steve replies quietly. 

"Wait," Bucky tugs on his tattered leather jacket and clutches it tight, wills his heart to stop aching. 

They stand like that for what feels like an eternity - Bucky with his hand on Steve's jacket and Steve placing his right on it. 

_I told myself that if I ever got out of this alive I wouldn't waste another damn minute._

He tugs Steve as close as he can get him and meets no resistance. Steve's forehead is creased; causing the wrinkle between his eyes to bunch up and his mouth is hanging open- _that's **my** Steve right there. _

He nearly talks himself out of it but at the last minute, realizes how close to death they both were and always have been. There would never be a perfect moment to spill his guts and he'd spent half of his life waiting for it.

He grips Steve's jacket tighter and Steve takes the hint - leans his forehead against Bucky's smudged one and closes his eyes. Bucky shifts and puts a hand on Steve's cheek - the kiss begins gentle and soft with light pecks but Steve begins to kiss back with a desperation that comes with nearly losing the person you care about, and Bucky's pulse picks up. Steve smiles against his lips and slides his tongue against Bucky's - grabs his forearm with one hand and curves the other over Bucky's cheek as he'd did in the building only this time he's not frantically jerking his hand back when he realizes what he's doing. He's dragging the kiss out all soft and pleading, desperate and starved for Bucky. If Bucky's legs weren't already like limp noodles they would've been shaking.

Steve draws back from the kiss and leans his forehead up against Bucky's.

_Thought I'd die before I got the chance to do that._

"We've been gone too long, they'll be looking for us," Steve whispered as he brushed his nose up against Bucky's.

Bucky pulled back and his eyes were teary, his mouth curved downward into a frown.

"Buck? Are you alright?"

Bucky shook his head up and down and avoided Steve's eyes. His lips were red and slick from passionate kisses and Steve would certainly keep going but they can't. They have to get back to base because a lot of sick soldiers are depending on his guidance.

Bucky nods his head - _I'm just peachy._

They fall into line together - walking in perfect harmony as they always had and do not speak.

The former POW's are all weary smiles and exhausted but grateful bodies as they walk amongst them. Bucky grips his gun as hard as he can - he's feeling exposed like a raw wire fraying at the ends.

Steve accepts the pats on his back but his eyes keep finding Bucky's - _What's wrong?_ They ask.

 _Told you I'm fine,_ Bucky replies without words before cutting his eyes toward the other men.

Morita strides toward them with a wide smile - "Agent Carter is really going to want you now!"

Bucky's blood turns to ice in his veins.

Steve blushes and stares at the ground.

"Bet she likes a real strong hero," Dum Dum adds as he claps Steve on the back.

Bucky begins to drift away.

_I have lost him._

Steve shrugs but his sideways grin gives him away - he's secretly pleased. 

Bucky is hurt and furious - _How the hell can you kiss me like that when you've got a girl on the side?_

He's not used to sharing Steve with anyone, much less a dame.

Steve's eyes flit around the crowd as they trek back to base and Bucky stays close enough for him to not suspect a thing but as his eyes meet Steve's he cannot hide the pain and the hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach.

If Steve sees it, he does not understand. He looks like he's about to cry for a moment before he smirks and pats Bucky on the lower back.

Bucky can still feel the imprint of it as he marches along.

A part of him wants to meet this special woman and another part thinks that if she were a man he'd punch her. His feelings are erratic and volatile lately - a boat in a stormy sea.

They march for days, stopping to rest and Steve doesn't leave Bucky's side. He even sleeps near him and it's unnerving because all Bucky can think about is Steve with someone else and the torture Zola had subjected him to. It all plays over and over in his head - a sickening broken record.

When they arrive he knows who she is before she even looks at Steve. She's the kind of woman Steve would go for - bold and confident, willing to get her hands dirty. He cannot help himself- he glares at her and she, in return, gives him a quick glance before closing in on Steve. It's almost too much to bare so he pulls an elementary age trick - distraction.

The moment the words "Lets hear it for Captain _America!_ " roll off of his lips he knows they can both hear the bitter scorn and he doesn't care. Steve looks back at him, having broken the spell momentarily and Bucky shrugs. _This is what you wanted, right? You don't need me._

But if there's anything he has learned from Steve Rogers (not this muscled American hero who chooses a dame over his best friend) it's to never back down from a fight and if you want something, go after it.

He does.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I wanted a happier ending. Steve did cup Bucky's cheek as if he were going to kiss him and the positioning is exactly how he was when Peggy kissed him. Bucky and Peggy are parallels so there HAD to have been a kiss esp. with how Steve was looking at Bucky. 
> 
> See here http://givemebackmybucky.tumblr.com/post/129206068132/can-we-just-take-a-moment-to-realize-that-this
> 
> And http://givemebackmybucky.tumblr.com/tagged/peggy%20as%20buckys%20parallel
> 
> credit for the quote and title goes to http://just-six.tumblr.com


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